By A. Ford
You know Cupid is out there somewhere, lurking behind rose bushes, flying through clouds, pulling back his bow, penetrating the hearts of unsuspecting passers-by and transforming lonely singles into lovesick couples, but sometimes it seems impossible to get a dose of Cupid's magic, especially this time of year. Just because the matchmaker has not made you a match does not mean you need to become a Valentine Humbug. With a little perspective and little self love you'll be ready go all out--instead of feel left out--on February 14.
Step One
Tell the right story. The story you create about your situation plays a major roll in determining how you will feel about your life. You're doomed if you tell yourself, "I don't have somebody special to cuddle with this Valentine's Day. I never have anybody to cuddle with on Valentine's Day. It's obviously a sign that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life." Instead, try telling yourself, "Not having a lover for this one holiday does not mean I will be without love forever. While I may not have the relationship I long for today, I will have it eventually."
Step Two
Don't internalize! Don't apologize! Don't feel bad about not having big Valentine's Day plans. Don't let others get you down about being single. When people inquire about your relationship status, don't reply with sheepish embarrassment or shame. You may be single, but that doesn't mean you aren't beautiful, desirable, talented, fulfilled, joyous and exuberant.
Step Three
Keep the day in perspective. Valentine's Day is a cliché, consumer-driven holiday more than anything else. Don't give it more energy than it deserves.
Step Four
Accept that having a partner does not guarantee that you will be saved from loneliness. I assure you that there are many couples who will not be having fun this Valentine's Day. How do I know? I've been there. And I'm sure you have too. If you've ever been in a relationship you know that loneliness and let-down exist even inside a couple. I'm not saying that you should bask in the disappointment of others, but I am saying to remember that dating somebody on Valentine's Day does not insure that you will have a fun Valentine's Day.
Step Five
Flirt for the sake of flirting. Flirting is a grossly underestimated drug. A witty comment or a sweet smile exchanged with someone you are attracted to brings a sparkle to your eye, a spring to your step and makes you feel like life is worth living. Most of us don't flirt nearly enough and some of use believe that flirting is only useful if it leads to a date. Flirting is valuable in and of itself. The more you flirt, the better you feel, so start flirting everywhere you go.
Step Six
Celebrate all love. We often get trapped believing that the only love worth celebrating is romantic love. While this is one great type of love, it is not the only type of love. This Valentine's Day recognize all the love in your life from your family, friends, coworkers and neighbors. Even give thanks for the kindness you receive from the people on the periphery of you life, such as your bank teller and barista. It is not one romantic relationship, but rather an intricate web of relationships that make life rich and keep us feeling connected and like a part of something bigger.
Step Seven
Embrace new role models. If you only look to people who are married with 2.5 kids, a dog and a white picket fence as role models for the ideal type of life, you're sure to make yourself miserable. There are so many diverse ways to live, to develop relationships, to give and receive love. Find inspiration from all types of people in all types of situations. Happiness takes on many forms. Look to those who live outside the box and discover original, unexpected ways to create an abundant life for yourself.
Step Eight
Love now. If you wait for the perfect person and the perfect circumstance to give your love, you'll never love. Love is not like money. It is not to be saved, carefully budgeted and spent only in a calculated manner. Love does grow on trees. Love is bottomless. Love freely and immediately. Make every day a love spending spree.
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