Could your sex life use a boost? You're not the only one. Over the years, I've been asked every question there is, from getting in the mood to learning how to become orgasmic. That's why I've put together 20 of my best tips right here. Here's to many more years of better sex!
1. Communicate with your partner about your sexual relationship. This is the most important tip I can give because it will strengthen the bond between you. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, you'll feel even closer in the end. Tell him what you like most about your sex life. Don't be afraid to ask for something new or different. Just be sure that you don't talk about major sexual issues while you are about to have sex or having sex. Bring up such topics outside of the bedroom, during a quiet walk some evening. That way you can air your feelings without spoiling an intimate moment.
2. Start foreplay as early as possible. Foreplay can begin as early as the morning of the night when you expect to have sex. Linger over your morning kiss instead of rushing off with a peck. During the day, do little things for each other: Give him a quick call at work or send him a sweet email. When he gets home, massage his shoulders for a couple of minutes. By increasing your emotional connection, you'll slowly start the arousal process, gradually increasing your level of arousal all day -- and all night.
3. During the day, remember that you are a sexual being. Even on the most hectic of days, take a few moments to think about your lover and maybe indulge in a quick sexual fantasy.
4. Make plans for sex. When both halves of a couple lead busy lives, sometimes the only way to leave time for sex is to literally put it on your schedule.
5. Don't forget that sex is supposed to be fun. The more fun you make it, the more enjoyable it will be. Experiment with toys and lingerie, or anything that creates a special mood for you. Memorable sex isn't limited to times when you have the most intense orgasms; it just has to be memorable in some positive way.
6. Start with a trip to the supermarket. Buy only items that could be integrated into love play, like whipped cream, chocolate sauce and maybe a banana or cucumber. Not only will you both be very aroused when you get home, but you'll probably get quite a laugh from the look on the face of the checkout clerk.
7. Take turns initiating sex. Sex should be fun for both parties, and getting things started should be just as equal -- and just as enjoyable. And just because you're not in the mood, that shouldn't stop you. Chances are your body will react to his and you'll become aroused in the process. Isn't Mother Nature great?
8. Remember that sexual stimulation is directly linked to intellectual stimulation. If you want to have sex later that night, be sure to spend time talking to each other first. Instead of watching TV in different rooms, tape your favorite show and spend some time together. Read some poems to each other, discuss the day's headlines, plan your next vacation or pull out an album of old photos.
9. Try to guess each other's thoughts. Can you actually read your lover's mind? Probably not, but why not give it a try? Maybe you'll discover that you really are on the same wavelength.
10. Pretend that this is the last time you're going to see each other for quite some time. We've all seen those heart-wrenching pictures of soldiers saying goodbye to their wives as they go off to active duty. The next time you're with your partner, hold him or her in your arms and put yourselves in those shoes, or Army boots as it were. The emotions you'll feel will, I believe, give you a new appreciation for each other.
11. Make a list of favorites. Everybody has favorite -- favorite colors, flowers, flood, etc. Do you know your partner's favorite bedroom activities? Take a piece of paper and make two columns. On one, write down what you like best, and on the other, write what you think he likes best. Then switch and read each other's lists aloud.
12. Make even household chores sexy. If doing the laundry is a chore you don't like, here's a way to make it more interesting: Whoever takes on this duty has the right to request a striptease from his or her partner en route to the washing machine.
13. Keep time. How long does your partner like to have a particular body part licked, caressed, nibbled or otherwise tended to? Find out by using a stopwatch. The experiment should be fun the first time, plus just think of how handy that information will be in the future.
14. Get up and dance. Sitting at home, looking at each other with nothing to do? Put a CD on and dance. It will get your blood flowing, and who knows what that will lead to?
15. Share your novel ideas. If you're hesitant to share your erotic fantasies with your partner, afraid of what he or she will think of you, suggest writing an erotic story together one night. Once he sees what you've dreamed up for your "characters," your partner will definitely get the hint about what you have in mind for yourself.
16. Overcome RE (rental embarrassment). If you are embarrassed to rent an erotic video in your local rental outlet because you're afraid you'll be seen by someone you know, drive a few miles away and rent one someplace where you don't know anybody. Or better yet, buy one online or use a rental company with a delivery service.
17. Create a classic -- but don't keep it around for too long. If you find it exciting to tape yourselves making love, go ahead. But after you've watched the tape a few times, be sure to erase it so that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
18. Make intercourse more orgasmic. Many women don't get sufficient clitoral stimulation from intercourse in the missionary position to have an orgasm. But if she's on top, her partner's hands are free to stroke her clitoris, which might be just what she needs to have an orgasm.
19. Caution, clitoris ahead. Though the clitoris is the seat of a woman's orgasm, some women find that direct contact is too strong and prefer to have the area around the clitoris stroked rather than the clitoris itself.
20. Skimp on the alcohol for better sex later. While a glass of wine, or even two, can be relaxing and lead to improved sex after a hectic day, too much alcohol dulls the senses. So while sex and alcohol can mix, just be careful not to drown your desire
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